Another chance.

So here we are again..my head hurts it's a spinnin' I'm with someone because I'm lonely or do I really like this guy? yeah he makes me happy but I don't feel the same way as I did once with someone else, I never got the chance to be with ..opportunities were there but my anxiety and nerves got the best of me people were in the way.. now that things are dying out I have my chance..but I don't I'm engaged is it meant to be? or is it just a memory?
I'm tired of making mistakes and getting hurt with this guy I don't get hurt but the other one hurt me once, actually they both hurt me..so I don't know what to think anymore no one wants to hear my guy problems it's not just about the guy thoughts in my head it's the thoughts of the mistakes, the fear the choices I could be making..the fear of losing someone who might be worth it then the other it's so hard for me to be with one person and thinking about the other we will all just get hurt if I make the wrong choices I don't know what to say or do I am confused they both give me the benefit of the doubt they both treat me right except the one thing they both did..I'm tired of trying to chose and hurting the people I do care about them both but one means more to me then the other I'm confused on my feelings am I being manipulated again? am I wrong or right?
what do I do? my heart tells me one my brain tells me another..I am so confused...all I want is help before I jump a bridge into hell I know I'll be going I'm lying for my safety god hates me the goddess is probably tired of me complaining no one wants me not a soul the humans do only two but which one should I be with? I don't know what to do can I be happy for once? can I move on from the heart? I need to be with the right guy..I just don't know how to handle this...can I die? can I please be in peace? and not have to worry who I should be with? be worried that anyone cares? I just wanna be a soul free from pain.

Coming out.

So I came out that I was Bi to my fiance and a good friend of mine of over 14 years..
and both of them still love me very much! I am no different from who I used to be before anyone found out although my mom seems to be a little weirded out by it..I'm hoping she'll get used to it soon I just hope if other people find out (like my ex's) that people won't judge me I've been bullied my whole life for who knows why I don't need my gender to be the next reason :/ I am both a girl and boy on the inside I have my days where I feel like a boy someday's I feel like a girl I really like both sides I'll be getting a haircut soon very short hair going for a guys look sort of haha! 
I am so happy that I came out to them :) they are truly the people I love or at least should love! I just hope one day if I decide to go towards women more one day that nothing bad happens I feel like I'd rather be with the girl of my dreams then what's going on now..but then part of me is like it will be a big change and I hate change..it scares me at first.
I'm hoping that people won't make fun of my choice I've always liked both more men then women but I am starting to like women more I hope to find myself soon..

coming out..or maybe?

hey everyone! okay so I have some truth about to be revealed...do not judge me..I have always had the thoughts of dating a girl I've known for a while about 14 years...but I've also dated plenty of guys well because I don't mind guys either..people just tell me it's a phase or that I just like her you're in over you're head blah blah blah....no I've always felt more connected with being guy like I act like a man but look like a lady, I like both! I am Bi I might reveal this to my fiance..who is a loving guy he knows I've had experiences back in high school...some people now know like my mother and my second mummy aka my girl crushes mom! :) they are pretty understanding of how I feel..I guess? I'm just wondering how my fiance will take it..it's got anxiety in my system acting up because I'm afraid of what people will think of me now...well now yall know that yes I do like girls and guys..mostly guys but one girl always had my heart xox..that's all folks! :) <3 keep on being proud of who you are :D <3

stuck in a world that is forever broken.

I'm disabled and on a disability pension...these people don't allow you to get married or they cut you off they tear the only dreams and things you can do apart by not allowing you to do what you want! I'm stuck living this way for the rest of my life I can't work because I found out I wasn't capable to work I can take care of myself I just can't work or ill hurt myself because of memory issues and anxiety now these people don't care if you have family you love and want to help support them because you have a heart and they don't....because they can work and you can't do you see what's wrong with this picture? you can't be happy with yourself because the world doesn't care about anybody but themselves I just wanna be happy and married to someone I love and they are stopping me from it! it breaks my heart that I may never be able to marry and no one gives a fuck! 





ODSP (ontario disability support program) if you really "support" people start doing it the right way! I feel like I wanna kill myself every night knowing things like this isn't fair..thanks ODSP...you're a heartbreak ready to happen! I wish I wasnèt even born because I know myself I can never get married without losing my support when I truly need it with or without being married.....</3 :'(