Hello everyone.
have you ever felt so confused in your life?
have you ever been hurt to the point you just don't know how to "love" anymore?
I'm going through a lot of crazy thoughts right now and let's have a one sided conversation
shall we?
All my life I never knew how to love properly because my parents always fought in front of me, I never learned how to just fall in love without worry whether it be by man or woman whatever I decided I'm engaged to a man but I have feelings for another and I know I shouldn't be with the guy I'm with if I have feelings for someone else..but what if I say I have a feeling an strong intuition if you will, that he is seeing another woman behind my back?
We live a thousand miles away from each other so the time we spend apart can get lonely when we aren't skyping or texting...he tells me he wants to go to a self defence class when he has nothing to do when he isn't in college or going to work instead of just talking to me.
Normally I would tell him it's alright and do as you please but this feels different.
After everything we've been through in a whole year and four months feels like somethings have changed and I hate pain I hate being alone but I love him so I don't cheat that is disgusting no matter the distance..but this time it's the way he spoke it the way he told me "I just want to socialize with other people you know" and I thought it sounded odd if things got boring shouldn't he be manly to say sweetie things are getting boring wanna switch things up a little have fun? no he took the coward's way out and told me the other way...
Now have you ever felt trapped? lost? I have..I feel like he is with his ex again the ex he claims he hates with a passion.
I know happiness is suppose to come from yourself but it's hard to be happy alone when you hardly have friends to hang out with I'm someone who loves company!
does anyone else out there feel like he could be trying to let go of the relationship? or am I just losing it because I got hurt so many times I over think because I loved someone once so badly that when he left I was broken for a while..but it was mutual I guess..we both were busy and I feel it will be the same with the man I'm with..but also....
I'm Bi sexual but I feel attracted to woman as well and I have strong feelings for this one I know but even she like me are confused with our sexuality and feelings...I have no idea what to do besides leave the man but its hard on me I get attached to easily..I'm also afraid of being alone its hard to make friends when your mentally delayed hanged out with the wrong people and get hurt and lose them...
So here we go again..I'm alone in my thoughts I don't know what to think someone please help me I'm begging to speak to someone..
